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griffinrampant:

Arms of Burgenlandkreis, Germany
Blazon: Argent a city wall gules, masoned sable; on a banner suspended from the wall of the field a cluster of grapes leafed proper; in base on an escutcheon or two hammers in saltire of the third

I must say the blueberries are so cute!
..wait, they’re grapes? That’s disappointing. 

griffinrampant:

Arms of Burgenlandkreis, Germany

Blazon: Argent a city wall gules, masoned sable; on a banner suspended from the wall of the field a cluster of grapes leafed proper; in base on an escutcheon or two hammers in saltire of the third

I must say the blueberries are so cute!

..wait, they’re grapes? That’s disappointing. 

(Source: Wikipedia)

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The Ypäjä crest offers a refreshingly honest look at small Finnish municipalities: we have 1. church 2. grain. That is, indeed, what most Finnish villages have to offer. 
On a closer look (i.e. the Wikipedia article) at Ypäjä, we learn that it has only 2,541 inhabitants. This comes as no surprise. What does surprise me is that the town is known for horses. You’d think they would have drawn one in the crest, but no. That’s what happens when you don’t let Gustaf von Numers design your crest. 
The crest article (Finnish only) discusses how special this crest is, given that it’s one of the first ones ever made for Finnish-speaking countryside towns. It was drawn by Aukusti Tuhka, who drew several crests, but “as heraldic expertise grew, only the Ypäjä crest in a slightly modified form was officially validated” (translation mine). In other words, Aukusti didn’t know what the hell he was doing. The church in the picture was torn down in 1901, so of course it makes sense to put that in the crest in 1949. What better symbol for your town than a church you no longer have? 
Don’t be depressed, Aukusti. You tried. 

The Ypäjä crest offers a refreshingly honest look at small Finnish municipalities: we have 1. church 2. grain. That is, indeed, what most Finnish villages have to offer. 

On a closer look (i.e. the Wikipedia article) at Ypäjä, we learn that it has only 2,541 inhabitants. This comes as no surprise. What does surprise me is that the town is known for horses. You’d think they would have drawn one in the crest, but no. That’s what happens when you don’t let Gustaf von Numers design your crest. 

The crest article (Finnish only) discusses how special this crest is, given that it’s one of the first ones ever made for Finnish-speaking countryside towns. It was drawn by Aukusti Tuhka, who drew several crests, but “as heraldic expertise grew, only the Ypäjä crest in a slightly modified form was officially validated” (translation mine). In other words, Aukusti didn’t know what the hell he was doing. The church in the picture was torn down in 1901, so of course it makes sense to put that in the crest in 1949. What better symbol for your town than a church you no longer have? 

Don’t be depressed, Aukusti. You tried. 

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griffinrampant:

Arms of Havelland, Germany
Blazon: Per fess wavy, the first azure two swans volant fesswise argent armed or, the second of the second an eagle’s head erased gules armed of the third between two molets of six points of the first

I try to keep to original content, but this is an amusing diversion. It’s like the eagle and stars from American imagery showed up and were appalled or indignant wtih the swans. 
The swans are drawn more realistically than in any Finnish crest I’ve seen. It’s less dignified perhaps, but I find it quite appealing. 

griffinrampant:

Arms of Havelland, Germany

Blazon: Per fess wavy, the first azure two swans volant fesswise argent armed or, the second of the second an eagle’s head erased gules armed of the third between two molets of six points of the first

I try to keep to original content, but this is an amusing diversion. It’s like the eagle and stars from American imagery showed up and were appalled or indignant wtih the swans. 

The swans are drawn more realistically than in any Finnish crest I’ve seen. It’s less dignified perhaps, but I find it quite appealing. 

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Kangasala is a peaceful little town with three lakes and about 30,000 inhabitants. But you wouldn’t know it by the crest. It looks like some massacre site’s crest, what with the blood and the horrified eagle somehow monstrously joined with a harp. What’s going on? 
The Wikipedia article (Finnish only) explains that the crest is based on the song “Kesäpäivä Kangasalla” (A Summer Day in Kangasala), and a.. bleeding rock they have in the wall of the church? “The legend claims the rock has been sweating blood ever since innocent blood was spilled on it in a beheading.” Wow. 
The song is written from the viewpoint of a small bird who is looking out on the lakes, enjoying the beauty of the scenery. The bird, however, wishes it was a valiant eagle who could fly all the way up to God. Maybe that’s what the harp means. All Finnish children sing this song at school, so it’s a well-established cultural thing. I get using it in the crest. If it just had a valiant eagle and water, or something, I’d be all for it. 
But who would want a crest that has blood dripping all over it? The crest doesn’t even include the rock, yet there’s blood trickling down. Welcome to Kangasala, try not to slip on the blood.
This nightmare vision was designed by Olof Eriksson in 1951. 

Kangasala is a peaceful little town with three lakes and about 30,000 inhabitants. But you wouldn’t know it by the crest. It looks like some massacre site’s crest, what with the blood and the horrified eagle somehow monstrously joined with a harp. What’s going on? 

The Wikipedia article (Finnish only) explains that the crest is based on the song “Kesäpäivä Kangasalla” (A Summer Day in Kangasala), and a.. bleeding rock they have in the wall of the church? “The legend claims the rock has been sweating blood ever since innocent blood was spilled on it in a beheading.” Wow. 

The song is written from the viewpoint of a small bird who is looking out on the lakes, enjoying the beauty of the scenery. The bird, however, wishes it was a valiant eagle who could fly all the way up to God. Maybe that’s what the harp means. All Finnish children sing this song at school, so it’s a well-established cultural thing. I get using it in the crest. If it just had a valiant eagle and water, or something, I’d be all for it. 

But who would want a crest that has blood dripping all over it? The crest doesn’t even include the rock, yet there’s blood trickling down. Welcome to Kangasala, try not to slip on the blood.

This nightmare vision was designed by Olof Eriksson in 1951. 

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The Valtimo crest features a very sad, skinny wolf who’s unable to juggle all these balls! Unable, he said! Have some mercy and let him rest!
Also, he has a very obvious penis. Which - might in fact be erect. O.o This is probably the most sexual crest ever. 
The Wikipedia article (Finnish only) on the crest tells us that the wolf  symbolizes infamous tax collector Simon Affleck. Wait, what? That’s an English name. Affleck was known as “Simo Hurtta” (Simo the Dog, or Mutt), after the big dog he owned. (And probably used to threaten people who didn’t pay up, but that’s not mentioned in the article.) 
"The Dog earned reputation as an unmerciful tax collector, which is symbolized by the seven gold coins sprinkled around the wolf." (translation mine)
Those are coins?! OK, that makes sense since they have no symbols on them or anything. But why the PENIS? The article doesn’t mention how much of a dog Simo the Dog was when it comes to women, so maybe that’s just artistic license. (Or unnecessary realism.) 
Affleck was working in Northen Karelia during the Greater Wrath, in the 1700’s. It makes sense that nothing ever happened in Valtimo after that; the town has 2,438 inhabitants, and is probably one of those places most Finns haven’t even heard of. (Also, the name means “Artery”, which I hadn’t realized before reading the Wikipedia article.) 
The sad wolf with an erection was designed by Olof Eriksson in 1952. 

The Valtimo crest features a very sad, skinny wolf who’s unable to juggle all these balls! Unable, he said! Have some mercy and let him rest!

Also, he has a very obvious penis. Which - might in fact be erect. O.o This is probably the most sexual crest ever. 

The Wikipedia article (Finnish only) on the crest tells us that the wolf  symbolizes infamous tax collector Simon Affleck. Wait, what? That’s an English name. Affleck was known as “Simo Hurtta” (Simo the Dog, or Mutt), after the big dog he owned. (And probably used to threaten people who didn’t pay up, but that’s not mentioned in the article.) 

"The Dog earned reputation as an unmerciful tax collector, which is symbolized by the seven gold coins sprinkled around the wolf." (translation mine)

Those are coins?! OK, that makes sense since they have no symbols on them or anything. But why the PENIS? The article doesn’t mention how much of a dog Simo the Dog was when it comes to women, so maybe that’s just artistic license. (Or unnecessary realism.) 

Affleck was working in Northen Karelia during the Greater Wrath, in the 1700’s. It makes sense that nothing ever happened in Valtimo after that; the town has 2,438 inhabitants, and is probably one of those places most Finns haven’t even heard of. (Also, the name means “Artery”, which I hadn’t realized before reading the Wikipedia article.) 

The sad wolf with an erection was designed by Olof Eriksson in 1952. 

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Returning to the theme of murderous animals: the rooster in Laitila will kill you! It has a weapon and OMG ITS EYES ARE HOLLOW YOU CAN SEE THRU THEM AND ALL IS BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD 
Honestly WHY? The Wikipedia article on the crest (Finnish only) says the crest “refers to the fame the town has gotten for their chicken farming and woodwork”. So let’s put a really dangerous wood-carving thing in a rooster’s leg? That.. makes sense, I think. This weirdness was designed by Ahti Hammar and taken into use in 1961.
So go ahead and go to Laitila, they have an egg festival and everything. Just watch your ankles, because the murderous rooster may be lurking somewhere among the people…

Returning to the theme of murderous animals: the rooster in Laitila will kill you! It has a weapon and OMG ITS EYES ARE HOLLOW YOU CAN SEE THRU THEM AND ALL IS BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD 

Honestly WHY? The Wikipedia article on the crest (Finnish only) says the crest “refers to the fame the town has gotten for their chicken farming and woodwork”. So let’s put a really dangerous wood-carving thing in a rooster’s leg? That.. makes sense, I think. This weirdness was designed by Ahti Hammar and taken into use in 1961.

So go ahead and go to Laitila, they have an egg festival and everything. Just watch your ankles, because the murderous rooster may be lurking somewhere among the people…

Photoset

According to folklore, Bishop Henry (Henrik in Finnish) was traveling somewhere on ice, when the peasant Lalli showed up and killed him with his axe. Read the full story here

 When Lalli tried to remove the bishop’s ring from his finger, it likewise tore his finger off. Afterward, Lalli drowned in the lake Köyliönjärvi. Per the bishop’s last wish, his body parts were collected by his servants and transported with oxen. Where the oxen stopped became the site of the first church in Finland.

Oh, that Lalli. He was a bad boy! It’s actually an understandable reaction. What right did the bishop have to show up and eat his food without paying? In fact, what right did the crusaders have to show up and change the pagans’ way of life? 

The story’s truthfulness is debatable, but it is the only thing Köyliö is famous for, so they’re holding onto it. There are only 2,771 people in Köyliö, so it’s small even by Finnish standards. Their crest, designed by Into Linturi and Yrjö Rintala in 1950, is simple and proud: the bishop’s hat. The axe. It’s all there. It happened HERE. 

The Nousiainen crest, designed by Olof Eriksson in 1961, explores what would have happened if Lalli had failed. Or maybe this is in Heaven after Lalli drowned. In this picture, Bishop Henry is kicking Lalli, who’s very tiny and indignant-looking. Henry looks regal and Lalli looks like a little boy being reprimanded.

The Nousiainen church was apparently that first church built where Bishop Henry’s remains lie, and they had the seat of the bishop of Finland for a long time. I can see why they would be proud of it, but really this crest is just childish. Don’t be poor losers, Nousiainen! Henry died, you can’t bring him back. I’m sure he’ll get his revenge in heaven or something, sitting on a throne next to God. (if that’s what this crest is trying to say.) 

This is the most violent pair of crests in Finland, murderous animals notwithstanding. 

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From the Wikipedia article:
In Finland, Laihians are renowned for their stinginess (Finnish: nuukuus, saituus,itaruus, piheys or kitsaus) and there are hundreds of jokes told about them. However, Laihians are not usually offended by it. To the contrary, they are proud of their frugality. They even have a Museum of Stinginess (Nuukuuren museo).
GOOD. Look at that squirrel! It’s not eating the cone, it’s just LICKING it. Because if you eat it, it will be lost! It can only afford that one cone, and it has to last all winter. And the tongue of the poor squirrel has gone without eating for so long, it’s turned grey. Priceless. 
The frugal squirrel was designed by Ahti Hammar in 1952, and it’s based on the original seal of Laihia. I must say I rather like this design. The dark green is similar to fir trees, and the squirrel is a sympathetic little guy compared to all the grimacing and murderous beasts we see in crests. Its skinny belly and hungry eyes invite my pity. Go ahead and bite the cone, little friend. There’s plenty more where that came from. 

From the Wikipedia article:

In Finland, Laihians are renowned for their stinginess (Finnishnuukuussaituus,itaruuspiheys or kitsaus) and there are hundreds of jokes told about them. However, Laihians are not usually offended by it. To the contrary, they are proud of their frugality. They even have a Museum of Stinginess (Nuukuuren museo).

GOOD. Look at that squirrel! It’s not eating the cone, it’s just LICKING it. Because if you eat it, it will be lost! It can only afford that one cone, and it has to last all winter. And the tongue of the poor squirrel has gone without eating for so long, it’s turned grey. Priceless. 

The frugal squirrel was designed by Ahti Hammar in 1952, and it’s based on the original seal of Laihia. I must say I rather like this design. The dark green is similar to fir trees, and the squirrel is a sympathetic little guy compared to all the grimacing and murderous beasts we see in crests. Its skinny belly and hungry eyes invite my pity. Go ahead and bite the cone, little friend. There’s plenty more where that came from. 

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HAHAA! Welcome to Janakkala! We have a really bad-ass lynx who will eat you! 
This feisty lynx, who has apparently had too many blueberries, is one of the more interesting designs. It was designed by Onni Oja in 1952. Wikipedia explains (Finnish only) that the lynx is the symbolic animal for Kanta-Häme (which is like a county or something, I don’t know; they changed the county divisions some time ago). The castle wall design refers to the Hakoinen Castle rock  (I can’t see a castle in that picture, but OK), while the crosses and arrows depict the crusades in Finland. 
Even with that explanation, the question is WHY. Why is the lynx’s tongue so blue? Why are its eyes so murderously insane? Why does it appear to the smiling while grimacing? If it’s grimacing, where are its teeth? 
Apparently Janakkala boasts with many famous ruins, from sacrificial stones to a real medieval church. Not all Finnish towns can say the same. But then there’s this: 
 In Janakkala the rate of unemployment is 9.7% and the rate of municipal taxes is 19.5%
So before you think of moving there to all these relics, consider that.

HAHAA! Welcome to Janakkala! We have a really bad-ass lynx who will eat you! 

This feisty lynx, who has apparently had too many blueberries, is one of the more interesting designs. It was designed by Onni Oja in 1952. Wikipedia explains (Finnish only) that the lynx is the symbolic animal for Kanta-Häme (which is like a county or something, I don’t know; they changed the county divisions some time ago). The castle wall design refers to the Hakoinen Castle rock  (I can’t see a castle in that picture, but OK), while the crosses and arrows depict the crusades in Finland. 

Even with that explanation, the question is WHY. Why is the lynx’s tongue so blue? Why are its eyes so murderously insane? Why does it appear to the smiling while grimacing? If it’s grimacing, where are its teeth? 

Apparently Janakkala boasts with many famous ruins, from sacrificial stones to a real medieval church. Not all Finnish towns can say the same. But then there’s this: 

 In Janakkala the rate of unemployment is 9.7% and the rate of municipal taxes is 19.5%

So before you think of moving there to all these relics, consider that.

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I have two alternative interpretations for this crest, which belongs to the city* of Lapua. 
1. Beware the infamous Bear Rider! He is coming to your town! He is dressed in electric blue and is carrying a huge club and he’s obviously from the distant past and HE WILL GET YOU IF YOU HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY! The bear’s teeth and claws are made of SOLID BLOOD MUAHAHAHA
2. Herbert was tired of the sex offered to him in the small town where he lived. Bi-curious wasn’t enough; he was getting BIO-curious. As the black bear showed up, he knew his time had come, and he grabbed his infamous black club… 
This beastial madness was designed by our friend Gustaf von Numers in 1950. According to the Wikipedia article (Finnish only), the crest is based on  ”the seal of the town”, although the original seal only had “a bear’s head looking at the viewer” (translations mine). That sounds a good deal more dignified than this. I wonder if it’s the color blue that made Gustaf draw wild things. Look at the Eurajoki crest, for instance. 
Edit: Actually, Wikipedia mentions Cudgel War as something where Lapuans were very active, so maybe the club refers to that. But I doubt they were riding bears, so it’s… an interesting take. 
* by Finnish standards. 14,615 inhabitants. 

I have two alternative interpretations for this crest, which belongs to the city* of Lapua

1. Beware the infamous Bear Rider! He is coming to your town! He is dressed in electric blue and is carrying a huge club and he’s obviously from the distant past and HE WILL GET YOU IF YOU HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY! The bear’s teeth and claws are made of SOLID BLOOD MUAHAHAHA

2. Herbert was tired of the sex offered to him in the small town where he lived. Bi-curious wasn’t enough; he was getting BIO-curious. As the black bear showed up, he knew his time had come, and he grabbed his infamous black club… 

This beastial madness was designed by our friend Gustaf von Numers in 1950. According to the Wikipedia article (Finnish only), the crest is based on  ”the seal of the town”, although the original seal only had “a bear’s head looking at the viewer” (translations mine). That sounds a good deal more dignified than this. I wonder if it’s the color blue that made Gustaf draw wild things. Look at the Eurajoki crest, for instance. 

Edit: Actually, Wikipedia mentions Cudgel War as something where Lapuans were very active, so maybe the club refers to that. But I doubt they were riding bears, so it’s… an interesting take. 

* by Finnish standards. 14,615 inhabitants.